"I am ashamed."

So, my dad is in the hospital and I probably should be more concerned than I feel like I am. But I think I may actually be more concerned than I can handle, so I shut down my senses instead and not-so-subconsciously decide not to handle it at all. The trip to Utah that I was so looking forward to and that was supposed to take place this week is, obviously, no longer happening. And you know what upsets me the most? I won't be able to shop at f.y.e. like I planned. You think I'm kidding. Nope. I am as heartless as they come. I am a spoiled little child who didn't get a pony for her birthday and may actually throw a temper tantrum because of it. Paris, my 3-year-old niece who was going to fly on an airplane for the first time and see her cousin Kora's house also for the first time, is handling this better than I am. Apparently, hospitalization, in my mind, is no excuse to cancel a trip. I'm a jerk. My "suck it up and deal with it" mentality just isn't quite right for this situation. A normal individual would think that a loved one having a life-threatening experience would be enough reason to cancel a trip. Third ring of hell, party of one. I'm on my way. Boo-freaking-hoo that I might actually have to work this week instead of spending money I don't have on things I don't need. I think I'm more concerned that I won't be able to work and I'll have to spend eight whole days hanging out in Chambersburg.